VINTAGE.

i never go dramatic because in the group i am the tough cookie. i don't usually go teary-eyes worrying about problems and i am never to be caught helpless because even if i am totally clueless and totally hopeless i always face things head on. well, atleast that's how i've been with my friends and family, me, all on my own is a different thing. alone, i am the weakest, most cowardly, helpless little girl. but i am neer really alone, not most of the time that is.

i am always surrounded with the people i love. i always surround myself with the people i love. i hold them close to me, in me, in my heart, my mind, my spirit. they are always with me. and my most favoritest of my loved ones are the three girls to whom i share this site with: stella leanna villanueva gutierrez, sandra lenore villlnaueva gutierrez, and debbie anne jose manay. these three are my most bestest friends in the whole entire universe! overly exaggerated? maybe but that is the truth and if i'll be anything in this entry it'll be totally honest!

on july 11, the day i dread the most, they will be leaving for canada for good. the day is near and time seems to pass more quickly now. i never said that i hate that they have to go and i always am the one comforting them and telling them things will work out for the better but i have always been pained by the thought of having all those miles between us. one time debbie cried actually they all went teary-eyed when we were discussing the canada thing and i found myself smiling and joking about it, which did make them laugh and did make it lighter but it was a mask to the pain in my heart.

i haven't shed a tear over the issue but last night i was reminded of the canada thing and i started to feel like i am numbed and i can't feel the gravity. i hated myself for not being sad enough i started thinking don't they mean as much as i tell them they do because i can't cry, i can't feel sad, i am still on the "it's all for the best" and "everything will be just fine" mode. but then memories of our friendship started to swarm my thoughts and i found myself drowning in a pool treasured moments. i was reminded of how much they do mean to me and finally i felt. so here i share my favorite moment of all, my first memory with vintage.

it was during the third day of intrams. i remember it well because that day we won the baton relay, i earned a scratch during the obstacle race, and i met them. it was after the baton relay and i wanted to wash my face so badly. so i did, i went to the faucet and cooled my face then i noticed three girls playing monkey in the middle in the corridor. i do not know if it was the game, their inviting laughter, or the little pastic with the clown designs that they were using as their ball but whatever it was i was drawn to watch them. sandra was the it that time, she looked funny trying to avoid the plastic as debbie and stella aimed at her. the three would laugh and everytime they did i would laugh too. stella approached me and asked me if i would like to join them. of course i did. so we played and that was my favorite part of the day. i dont know why, maybe it was the game or their inviting laughter or the little plastic with the clown designs that they were using as their ball. or maybe it was them...

that time i wasn't sure yet but now i know for certain why that moment never left my head and why it is always kept in my heart...it is because that was when i met my soulmates, extensions of me, the persons who will be my strength, my bestest friends in the whole world. they are the best thing that happened to me that day and yes, even up to today.

last night, i was reminded of how much the mean to me and how i really really love them. last night was the first time i shed a tear, it was the time it finally sank in, they are leaving and i am helpless, left with no choice but to accept. but as i've said in the beginning of this entry i am someone who will face things head on. this is just another thing, we'll get through this besides as a friend of mine said, "hindi naman sila mawawala e, lalayo lang.."

i love you stella! i love you sandra! i love you debbie! mahal na mahal ko kayo! thank you for letting me play monkey in the middle with you! thank you for letting me laugh with you! thank you for sharing the world with me for ten years now! thank you for being my soul sisters! sa lahat lahat...maraming maraming salamat!